B*tch, Be Done
Let’s get one thing straight, you’re allowed to b*tch. You’re allowed to be pissed off, overwhelmed, heartbroken, confused and disappointed. You’re allowed to say it out loud, to name what’s hurting or driving you up the wall and to not be okay for a moment.
In fact, I encourage it. Holding it in and pretending you're "fine" isn’t strength, it’s suppression in a tight-fitting mask and masks always crack.
However, let's get one thing clear, you don’t get to live there.
This is where so many people get stuck. They confuse venting with processing, and they confuse processing with progress. What starts as a necessary emotional release becomes a revolving door of the same conversation, the same complaint, the same stuck energy looping on repeat. Weeks pass. Months even. And they’re still talking about the same situation, the same frustration, the same betrayal, the same “can you believe this happened?”
Yes. We believe you. It happened. Now what?
The Power of One Clear Container
Emotions need a container... not a cage or a pit. A clean container.
When you’re in it, deep in the feeling, choose one person who can hold that space for you. Not someone who stokes the fire and not someone who grabs the popcorn and says “Omg yes and then what?” And especially not someone who keeps you tethered to the very thing you’re trying to get free from.
Choose someone who can let you say it all, who knows how to hold weight without absorbing it and who will look you in the eye afterward and say, "Okay, now what are you going to do about it?"
That’s a true friend, a guide, a mentor... essentially, a mirror. And if you don’t have someone like that, start by being that for yourself. Write it out or say it out loud to an empty room. Let it move through your throat instead of sitting in your stomach. Let your body have the release and then move.
Why We Stay Stuck
B*tching feels productive and it gives you a temporary rush while validating your experience. You’re heard, you’re seen, you get confirmation that yes, that thing that happened, sucked.
But if you’re not careful you can start to form an identity around it. You build emotional muscle memory around that story, and suddenly, letting it go feels like a betrayal of your pain (read that again). Or like you're letting them off the hook or like you're saying it didn’t matter, but none of that is true.
Letting it go isn’t about erasing it. It’s about refusing to let it run your life.
What To Do Instead
Once you’ve had your vent, your full, no-filter, say-it-all moment... then what?
Here are a few powerful actions to consider:
Close the loop (my personal favorite): Write a short sentence of closure to yourself, “I let this go now. I don't need to carry it.” “I honor what I felt, and I choose to move forward.”
Move your body: Shake, dance, go for a run or walk, cry/scream into a pillow. Trauma and tension lodge in the body and movement is a release valve. Get it out of your nervous system, not just your mouth.
Take aligned action: Is there a boundary that needs to be set? A conversation you need to have? A change to make? Do one thing, however small, that brings your power back to you.
Replace the loop: Every time your brain tries to return to the same old rant, interrupt it. Speak truth instead, “Nope. I’ve already dealt with this.” “This thought doesn’t get to run my life anymore.”
Faithfulness Over Familiarity
Sometimes we stay in a cycle because it’s familiar... not because it’s fruitful. But if you want to be faithful to your growth, to your peace, to your calling, then you’ve got to know when the story ends.
You get to have your moment. You get to fall apart. But then you get to rebuild.
So go ahead. Bitch. Cry. Vent. Scream into your car. Say the thing.
But then be done.
Not because it didn’t matter.
But because you matter more.